A familiar sight: a fly, buzzing around in the space between the glass and the window screen.
Last time, I lifted the corner of the screen and tried to lead the fly to the opening, because I assumed it wanted to get out but couldn’t do it on its own. And did that work? Nope, it just keep moving around within that narrow, see-thru prison. I ended up feeling frustrated.
This time, I felt different. Seeing the fly made me laugh at my silliness. All this time, I had been holding tight to a view that my advice, my honesty, my time, these were all given to help others improve. When it wasn’t taken and applied, it felt like such a waste of my efforts.
But I had just chided a boy for not following through with tasks, for giving up too quickly. And what happened? Did he straighten up and say, “You’re right, no one will love me if I am a quitter! Thanks for giving me a valuable life lesson!” Nope. A dark cloud hung over the boy’s head, he dragged his feet, lost his appetite for life. I wasn’t helping, I was hurting people.
What’s more, I recently realized that we are indisputably just types, predictable types. Come to me with your best idea, I’ll tear it apart and point out all the flaws. I’m a serious, critical, no-filter type. Go to my mom with a life struggle, she will welcome you with open arms and make you feel like there’s nothing to be afraid of. She’s the type you rely on.
This boy belonged to a type, too. The same type as my friend, my dad, and probably most people who shared that kind of upbringing. It’s almost unbelievable how they use the same words, have the same responses, and even have the same food preferences. It is the result of years of reinforced views shared by people in that type of cultural and social standing. So how could I expect for my words to undo all that programming?
I had also had years of programming. Now, finally, I was ready to stop trying to stuff my OS into someone else’s incompatible OS. It wasn’t that I didn’t like for people to try and change me, so why would I try to change others. It was more that I could now see how I had been subscribing to a wrong view this entire time. The way I had seen it, people were trapped and needed help getting out. Truth is, we are all just a type, reacting the way that type reacts.
And it’s not that I am just going to shut up and keep to myself. It’s that now I have a choice of how to react. I can give it my best effort and try to push the screen open so that the fly has a way out. But if it wants to stay there, so be it. If it wants to fly away, it will find its own way. Right now, I have more than enough of my own issues to handle.
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