If I had to bet on true love or proximity, I know what my money would be on.
I’ve seen it happen to countless people. Despite being disgusted by a particular person or never even considering this person a potential candidate, they will grow on us if we spend enough time with them. We will learn their quirks and habits and inevitably become attached to them. The more our mind is consumed with thoughts of this person, the sooner they will become the new person we love.
Isn’t this the basis of romantic comedies and dramas? The lead female character is in love and about to be married to her boyfriend of five years. The new alpha male on the scene is mean, disrespectful, or in a competing business. After many clashes, the competition or power struggle becomes fiercer, pulling the lead characters closer. They spend countless hours together and are on the top of each other’s minds 24-7. Meanwhile, the loving, caring boyfriend takes a back seat, becomes a second thought.
In movies, it seems like it was meant to be. The heroine never really loved the old boyfriend like she thought she did, right? In the end it seems they weren’t even compatible. But I think that it’s the proximity that does it. Spending a lot of time with someone, you notice them, think about them, become concerned about them. You share experiences, make it through hardships together, come to see and understand each other better. They eventually become the first person you run to in serious situations. When you’re away from them, you notice the gaping hole in your life.
Affairs often follow this pattern too. The person who commits adultery often claims that he always has and always will love his wife more than anything in the world. But the nanny was just there all the time, she was available. He only slept with her because he missed his wife, who worked out of town. I’ve heard variations of this all too many times. People who work long hours at the office have affairs with the people they work with. How many secretaries become wife number two? Actors and actresses who spend months on a movie set together often hook up. In fact, proximity and the experiences shared between people who see each other often can easily eclipse “true love.” My money’s on proximity.
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