A man was disassembling a bed frame and yelled for a boy to bring him a box to store the wheels and screws. The boy ran back with a plastic milk crate. The man exclaimed, “This is not the right kind of box! It’s useless! No, no, no!! I need a box without holes in it!”
The boy frowned and then jetted away with the milk crate. Moments later, he reappeared with a small cardboard box. The man proclaimed, “Perfect! This is precisely what I need.” The boy smiled.
Once the bed frame was taken apart, the man moved to disassemble a wall mount. He hollered for the boy, “Hand me that first box that you brought.”
“I don’t have it.”
“What?! Where is it? I need it!”
The boy looked at him in disbelief.
The boy’s father chuckled, “Impermanence.”
I laughed, and realized that he was right. Now, there are two kinds of impermanence. If I look outwards, and may see that the man changed his mind, and people are entitled to changing their minds. Or I may think that a particular item’s use can change over time. This conclusion, however true it may be, doesn’t do me any good. It doesn’t even begin to address my issue with what just happened. It’s hasn’t even made it into the vicinity of my personality traits that trigger this same reaction in similar situations.
If I look inwards, and examine the issue I have with my perception of that speech or actions, I can pinpoint where I am being permanent. First of all, what did I perceive? The man flip-flopped. He degraded the crate and then a minute later, sang its praises. That’s not allowed. Why not? You must make up your mind and stick with it.
Now we are hitting on my perception, which will lead to my personality type. It is a broader issue, not limited to this man or the milk crate. I believe that you cannot have two opinions on an item, an issue, or a person. If it is broken, toss it…don’t try to re-purpose it. If you disagree, you must not go along with the opposite viewpoint. If you hate her, you must always hate her…there’s no room for ambiguity.
Once I realize this, I can focus on the larger node that connects all of these incidents or details: “If it once was, it should always be.” And instead of attacking each individual issue as it arises, I can be proactive in collecting information and filling out the matrix on this issue. Using relevant past experiences, I can gather enough evidence to understand and eliminate this permanent view, destroying the node and all its branches in one fell swoop.
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