หลวงพ่อทูลเคยพูดว่า “คนที่เทศธรรมะตามครูบาอาจารย์ ถึงวันนึงความรู้นั้นมันจะหมดได้ เพราะมันไม่ได้ออกมาจากผลการปฏิบัติติของตนเอง”
Luang Por Thoon once said that despite being able to the recite sermons and teachings of an enlightened monk, one day you will run out of material. If you can’t produce your own genuine teachings from your own results of dhamma practice, your true self will be revealed in time.
Despite having heard about this I would continue to obsess that others wouldn’t see the fakeness or ugliness I had seen in someone. If someone always seemed put together or nice, and I had seen them being rude or spiteful when they thought no one was around, I would worry that others would be fooled by them.
Take the people who always seem selfless, always sacrificing always giving. But then you see their facebook post where they say they drove many hours to take care of their wife’s grandma, who has dementia, and it was so difficult dealing with her. But as a good husband, they had to do their duty. For better or worse, right? Well, if you really were a good husband, you’d do it without asking for acknowledgement and without complaining.
It also works the other way. I’ve known people covered in tattoos, who talk and act like a gangster, acting like they don’t care about anyone. But when you work with them you can tell they actually care more about your coworkers than the more sensitive, friendly types. They’re always there to help you lift things and offering to walk you through a dangerous neighborhood. They pay attention and are surprisingly sensitive. They’re giving and generous, but quiet about it.
For me, now, I am not concerned with whether someone will see the true nature of someone else. I feel like whether they are good or bad characteristics, they will be revealed in time. We can’t hide who we are. No matter how good we are at shielding it from others, under the right kind of pressure, it’ll pop right out.
Most importantly, even if the truth is right in front of us, we tend to believe what we want to. Even if the evidence proves contrary, even if we’ve been warned, we can fail to see what is so obvious to those around us. It has taken me years to see the truth about best friends, relationships, even about myself. Sometimes we just need time.
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